Let me start from the very beginning.It was nothing like what the johnson baby ads showed it to be. Instead it was messy gooey and a lot of crying. I am not what the world would term as "natural" at being a mother. All I remember is being overwhelmed . There was so much to do. I kept telling my husband babies should come with a statutory warning. My so called smooth sailing boat was rocking . It was not love at first sight for me. Whenever I saw my little angel I kept asking myself ,what would he need now ? He could not ask and the world expects me to know. How am I even going to raise him.?A life dependent on me for all his needs ;big and small. Was I ready for it? It was a rhetorical question to myself . The answer did not matter. I had to step up !
It has been 18 months since sid and me are doing well.Being a mother of course takes a toll on you.The worst part of being a mother comes if you give in to the pressure of what a perfect mother should be. I am still learning that its nothing but a myth. There is "my gut" which will tell me whats right for my child .I have read books on parenting and they are really helpful. But one can't live to every word of it.So I am taking in what I can.
I have stopped judging other mothers. They are doing what is best for their kids. Who am i to pass a judgement. Moreover it just puts pressure on me to be better than someone else. Not worth the time or effort as my son is growing fast and I am not going to miss it trying to be what i am not.
A long day ends with a book and when i see him sleep ,he looks so beautiful. I am happy he is asleep . Now i have my "me time" . No guilt attached. Have earned it :)
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